I woke this morning to the sound of giggles and murmuring in my living room. Mayhem (the youngest) has been sleeping on the couch because of a spider-fright in her room. Chaos (the oldest) had to get up early to register online for next semester’s college courses. So of course Chaos had to make sure that Mayhem was awake – because in her world if she ain’t sleepin, ain’t nobody sleepin. They didn’t bother me (today 😉 ) and so I snuggled back into my cocoon of warmth for a few extra ZZZZ’s. When I finally emerged into the living room – Chaos was registering for her classes and Mayhem was doing her usual morning zombie shuffle. At some point, Chaos decided to help herself to some post-Easter Jelly Beans.
Didja ever start eating something that you thought you knew what it was; but it turned out to be something different? Well… (Gagging, goat-like noise) “Mom? Black jelly beans, what flavor are they?” Me: “Liquorice.” Chaos: “What’s anise, then?” Me: “It tastes like liquorice…. Its a plant.” She had been expecting grape flavor -mistaking black for purple in the dim light. Well, since things usually taste pretty crappy when you were expecting one taste and get another – much merriment ensued when the word “anise” was phonetically compared to the word for the body orifice that produces said crap. Which I was unaware of, quite apparently – since I continued to blather on about the anise plant. The girls were still chortling over “anus” and thought I was commenting about anuses….how you can boil and reduce them to make the liquorice flavor. Yes, I have lost my mind – but not quite on that grand a scale – yet….Mayhem was holding her sides. To paraphrase JRR Tolkein: Its a dangerous business – getting out of bed in the morning.
Fast Forward to this afternoon: The Tale of the Drive-by Puking. To set the stage: the usual state of affairs is that Chaos brings Mayhem home after work, since the younger one is a member and the older one works there. They arrived home at abut 6:20 pm today – par for the course. Chaos had to relate what happened on the way home – literally just up the street. They had turned down our street and were approaching the neighbor’s house. Both girls noticed a girl sitting on the curb. The car in front of them slowed, stopped and picked the girl up. Mayhem: “Whats going on?” Chaos: “Getting a ride, or getting kidnapped.” Door of car opens, girl leans out – Kidnapping Escape Attempt? Nope. She proceeds to hurl on the street. The driver waves Chaos around and gives her a wide-eyed “IDKWTF is going on” look as they pass the car. Said car then proceeds to speed off down the street in some haste – leaving the lovely deposit behind…..
I am not surprised. In this town literally anything is possible. But I think I have had enough strange hilarity for one day.