Sticks and Stones…..

Taylor Swift – Mean – Live/2011

Warning : adult themed post with some graphic language. Please do not read further if you find graphic language offensive. Thank you. Normally I come up with a catchy (to me at least) title for my posts before I start writing. This ones different. It took me till about 3/4 of the way through writing this until the title “Gibbs slapped” me – just in case anyone wanted to know 😉 . I’m having both a very proud and very sad series of moments this evening. Came home from a co-worker/friends surprise baby shower (it was, by the way – a surprise, I mean) and was told by my oldest I should check my facebook . I did.

I can usually look forward to at least one “self portrait” of my oldest and some sort of funny and/or snarky comment to go along with it in my newsfeed. Like many other ladies her age, she’s apparently addicted to the back camera feature on her iPhone. Its actually kind of neat that you can now be in the pictures you take, right? Anyway, that’s how she rolls. I noticed how many comments happened to be on a few of her posts so I went back to look at them. (yes, I’m friends with my kid on facebook and I do check in on her newsfeed and twitterfeed – #stalkermom lol) And immediately became both dismayed and proud all at once. Some girl complained that she takes too many pictures… my Chaos responded nicely that she should delete her from her newsfeed if she found it annoying. Next thing, this girl was calling her fat, and other nasty things….. My baby said ” You can remove my updates or just unfriend me… I’m not changing my social networking habits because it annoys you…regardless, you have control over your reaction – if I’m annoying you its because you’re letting me have that power.” , then basically told her to go ahead and “swing away” if it made the girl feel better. She did, calling my daughter a “fat attention-grubbing wannabe hipster slut with a shitty fucking tattoo.” Chaos handled it pretty maturely. Made her mama proud!! Then, my baby’s friends jumped in. And away we go – with a blown up facebook wall… over a hundred comments on two wall posts. YIKES!

The picture that started the firestorm……

I’m proud of my daughter. She’s 90% all grown up. She’s always had a temper, and a strong sense of fair play. Learning to moderate reactions is always difficult when growing up – but when that control clicks in, you got it made. I’m also really thankful for friendship and that so many people obviously care about her.

Friends!!!! Just one of the many comments in support…

Here’s what makes me very sad. That people still feel the need to resort to malicious name calling for any reason. Especially the three letter f word. I used to be that girl. I don’t look in the mirror and see a size 6/8 – I still see a size 24. I’m treated very differently now than I was 7 years ago – when I weighed over 300 lbs. Do people realize that the standard of ” beauty” women are expected to aspire to and strive for is actually unhealthy for most people? (Thats a rhetorical question, I know most people don’t) If Marilyn Monroe were to buy off the rack today, she’d take about a size 8 or maybe a 10. (She was handsewn into everything she wore in public by the way, so its hard to say for sure).

Marilyn Monroe

Marilyn Monroe (Photo credit: sasha065)

Why is it that people make so many assumptions about someone who is overweight? Why does fat=lazy? or stupid? I’ve been treated like that, and I am none of those things. In my case, my weight was due to my addictive personality. An alcoholic can give up drinking and live. However one cannot give up eating and remain breathing. Did people honestly think I wanted to be heavy, that I wanted to be laughed at? passed over for promotions at work? that I couldn’t see what I looked like in the mirror? Believe me I did, I still see it. I struggled with my weight for years and years before finding something that worked and helped me. That said, I will never ever point fingers at, make fun of, or even suggest to anyone that I think they have a problem with their weight. If they want to come to me for advice then I will certainly share my story with them – but stand in judgement – nope. That was me, not so long ago and but for the grace of god that would still be me. Sticks and stones will break bones, but names DO hurt. They reverberate, resonate, & come back to haunt in the wee hours. Bones heal, bruises fade away, verbal wounds may never ever do so. So why say such hurtful things? I was actually told by a relative once that if I didn’t lose weight my husband would leave me for someone younger and thinner. He didn’t, as you could probably guess. The Viking is a stand up guy. (Love ya Honey!)

It costs nothing to be nice. It would be great to see more people doing so, instead of making themselves feel better at someone else’s expense. And just for the record, my oldest baby is 5’8″ and all of the sassy, curvy, and healthy. Me, I’m 5’7″; slightly less sassy, more saggy than curvy (hey I’m 50 not 20), but still healthy. My youngest, fast approaching 5’7″, more sassy than me, and quite healthy too! The Viking is a lucky guy to be living with three such lovely ladies! Even if I do say so myself….. 😉 Peace, out.

Cropped screenshot of Marilyn Monroe from the ...

Cropped screenshot of Marilyn Monroe from the trailer for the film Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


8 thoughts on “Sticks and Stones…..

  1. First, Wow! Congratulations on getting healthy. I too am ultra sensitive about size issues. I was always called fat while an adolescent (even though now I realize I wasn’t–I was just bigger than all my stick skinny friends–when my brothers saw me for the first time in 23 years at my dad’s funeral he and a childhood friend of his–the first thing out of their mouths was, “hey! You’re not fat anymore, what happened). I looked back at old photo’s and I was never fat. But I grew up with a complex, and an eating disorder. So, I’m right there with you. Kudos to your daughter! You did a fantastic job.

  2. My Dearest D…..I whole heartily agree with every word you put out there. At my age of 70, it wasn’t until I was 68 yrs old until my body gave up the plumpness I’d carried on and off for over 50 yrs. mother nature has her own way of doing things, some times we do not quite understand it. Patience, love and understanding in all things is the Prime Directive here, but some people , whether young OR old do not get the directive, and perhaps have their own private stuff to handle. It could be this gal, is actually having a hard time with that, so she gives grief to this sweet girl …WE LOVE HER. Auntie Hanna

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