“Dear Momma E.” 20 Things to Remember to Have a Successful Relationship/Marriage

Next month the Viking and I are celebrating 27 years of marriage and 28 years as a couple. I’m pretty proud of the both of us – nobody thought it would last more than a couple years at most. We proved them wrong in spades. Here’s to at least 27 more years together! Of course, had I shot and killed him 27 years ago I’d be getting out of prison just about now…. Just kidding… Love ya Honey 😉 ! For what it’s worth, here’s my advice on helping a relationship last:

1. You may need to go to bed angry. Rehashing the same stuff when the other person obviously isn’t going to listen to your point of view right then will only keep you awake and make you more tired. Sometimes a good nights sleep will give you the perspective you need to figure out a better solution. . .( and if not, at least hopefully you’ll have been able to sleep)

2. Don’t expect to EVER go back to your “honeymoon” phase. It just ain’t gonna happen. Those dirty clothes on the floor are still gonna annoy the crap out of you. Relationships either go forward or they cease; they never go backwards.

3. Make your relationship a PRIORITY. Make time for your partner and do things together when you can.

4. Understand that your partner is not perfect and neither are you. Be flexible and willing to listen. FORGIVE. And if you can’t forgive, get out of the relationship. Once you forgive, don’t forget. They’ll have to earn your trust again. And that may take some time depending on the circumstances. Don’t be a martyr, though (its only becoming to Jesus and the saints – not us average folk) You can’t hold someone’s faults over their head forever, but you can expect some penance to be paid.

5. Share the chores! Nothing says “I love you” like help with the dishes!

6. Don’t be sneaky. Your partner has the RIGHT to know where you are and what you are doing – usually before you do it. Yeah, you DO have to answer to them. Successful relationships don’t have secrets. If you cant/won’t tell your partner what you’re doing there’s a PRETTY GOOD chance you shouldn’t be doing it, yanno?

7. Hanging out with your ex when you’re not single is usually never a good idea – unless its 30 years or so after the fact LOL. . . (that whole secrets thing again)

8. In a new relationship, introduce your partner to your friends. If your new boy or girlfriend is cagey about introducing you to their friends – its a red flag for sure!

9. Laugh together, be spontaneous. You can re-ignite the spark that way as the years go by. Call out sick and head for the beach,or take a weekend and get away ! . . .hint, hint Brent 😉

10. Nurture your own interests , hobbies and dreams, “me time” is important, but don’t exclude your partner. Make sure that you support their interests, hobbies and dreams too. Let them have their ” me time”, but speak up if you start feeling neglected. If they can’t make time for you perhaps they aren’t worth your time. Its all about balance. After children come along, the balancing act gets trickier. Try to schedule “me time” when you can.

11. Note to husbands/boyfriends: The Wife or Girlfriend ALWAYS gets shottie if you’re driving.

12. Speak up if you feel something is wrong. Your partner’s not a mind reader. Communication is SO important.

13. Don’t hold unrealistic expectations. You knew what your partner was like when you first started dating, don’t expect them to change for you, that’s another thing that ain’t gonna happen .

14. Keep your promises, its one sure way to show you are trustworthy.

15. Just take it for granted that your significant other WILL snoop at some point. If you’ve got nothing to hide, you’ve got nothing to fear. There’s no such thing as privacy in a relationship, when it comes down to it. Just deal. The only privacy you’re gonna get is when you close the bathroom door. And guys, count on your clothes getting borrowed – just saying…

16. Use the 5 to 1 Ratio. Say 5 nice things to your partner for every one criticism. That alone will drop your chances of divorce into the single digit percentages. After all, nobody wants to be in a relationship with a control freak or a shrew – right?

17. Leave work at work. Don’t bring it home with you, literally or figuratively. Of course, that’s not possible if you work from home – so in that case make sure you set a schedule and stick to
it as much as you can.

18. Spend time with your friends. Just remember the “no secrets” rule with your partner.

19. Don’t tolerate verbal or physical abuse. Get help, or get out.

20. Commitment is neither temporary or disposable. Try your best to make things work.

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17 thoughts on ““Dear Momma E.” 20 Things to Remember to Have a Successful Relationship/Marriage

    • Thank you, Happy Anniversary to you and your husband too! Thanks for stopping by on my site! I just went on your website. Interesting, engaging and informative – particularly at my stage of life – I’m following via e-mail. Have a great day! Hugs! Donna

  1. Happy early Anniversary and I hope another 27 after this. Your advice for other couples is excellent and commitment is never temporary might be the best of them all. Remember me when the two of you toast. One of them will be from me.

      • I understand. Wanted to let you know also that I saw The Avengers over the weekend and it is my new most quoted movie. I hate to admit that The Princess Bride is no longer number one for quotes but The Avengers was too good not to acknowledge. Even if superhero movies are not your thing, you might enjoy it. My review is tomorrow – just FYI. Hugs back.

        • I saw it Saturday night! Completely, thoroughly entertaining and without doubt the best movie I have seen in years! Hulk Smash! Demigod? humph! I need to see it a few more times before I can quote it but I can tell you EVERYONE was clapping and cheering throughout the entire movie! I want to review it soon too! Can’t wait to read yours!

  2. Excellent!!! And congratulations on 27 years of married bliss, laughter and tears! What a really great place to be. To another lifetime of being together with your Viking dear Donna and may the best be yet to come!!! Hugs, Sharon

  3. Donna ~ I am celebrating my 27 year anniversary in a couple months as well and I have to tell you, I agree with everything you have said here. Marriage is not going to be a fairytale and if you are expecting it to be then you’re doomed from the start. You have to be realistic and, if I was to add one thing to what you said, is that you have to COMPROMISE! When you get married, you are now part of a “couple” that operates as one and that means that there will be times when you need to bend and times when your spouse needs to bend. My husband and I have very different personalities and constant compromise is the only thing that has saved our marriage over the years. Great post and congratulations on your successful marriage.

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